Five Down and Three To Go

It always amazes me, when I look back on time, how quickly it passes.  It seems just like yesterday that I was going in for my first chemotherapy treatment.  I still remember the anxiety and downright fear that I felt, and now here I am, on the downgrade.  I've completed the first round of treatments, and had my first treatment of the second round.  

This new medication is called Taxol, and it's side effects are quite different from the Adriamycin/Cytoxin combo.  I haven't had the problems with nausea at all.  In fact, I've hardly taken any anti-nausea medication since my treatment on Tuesday, March 24th.  The one side effect that is quite disconcerting is the muscle and bone aches and pains.  The two days after the treatment, I had zero energy.  All I wanted to do was sleep.  Then, the leg aches hit.  It's difficult to explain how they feel.  It's not like having the flu when you just ache all over.  It's more like twinges of pain that strike whenever, and the only way to relieve them is to move. They also make my legs feel weak, and I sometimes feel like I'm going to lose my balance or fall.  I was told I would have feelings of clumsiness, etc., and it's true.  I haven't ventured out yet, but I can't hibernate, so hopefully by tomorrow (Monday), I'll feel well enough to get out and do something.  

I've been kind of down in the dumps this week.  I think alot of that is because of the side effects of the chemo, but I also learned that a friend of mine who is fighting colon cancer found out that the cancer had matasticized to her brain.  It just seems so unfair that this is happening to her.  She lost her husband to cancer this last July.  It wasn't more than two weeks after his passing that she was diagnosed with colon cancer, and now this.  The doctors have told her she probably has nine to eleven months, but they are treating it aggressively with radiation and she has a fighting spirit.  If anyone can overcome this, it's Becky. 

Then, Pat and I were having lunch at Huntsman while I was waiting for my chemo appointment

and one of Pat's friends stopped by our table to say hello.  We all said this was no place to run into friends, because it meant someone was in some kind of medical trouble.  It wound up being his son, who was diagnosed with a hodgkins cancer of the blood.  He was in the hospital for aggressive treatment and would be there for at least another two or three weeks.  He's only in his thirties and has two little children.  Again, I'm wondering why.  

I know life is no respecter of people, and there are no guarantees, but sometimes life seems to be too unfair.  I'm going to be even more thankful for all of my blessings, because I truly believe

that I have been blessed in so many ways from the very beginning of this journey.      

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

I didn't realze it had been over three weeks since I last wrote on my blog.  I guess there's been alot going on in my life during that time. I had my third chemotherapy on February 24th and things went so easily, I didn't have much to write about.  So, I took some time to do some things for alot of people that had been so good to me.  

My ex-sister-in-law had a knee replacement of February 17th.  She and I are still very close.  As a matter-of-fact, since we're the only daughters in our respective families, we consider each other our 'sister'. I've known Joan since I was a child.  She and my brother, Jack, were married when I was about seven years old.  I was the flowergirl.  I grew up with Joan as my sister, so even after she and my brother parted ways, we've stayed very close.  She has been here for me in so many ways since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Her moral support and prayers have meant so much to me, so when she had to have a knee replacement I wanted to be there for her, too. She's staying in a rehab center right now, so I've tried to spend at least one day a week with her, taking her a fun treat and just visiting.  She's working really hard with her rehab, so she can get home and be with her daughter, Cynthia, and her family.

My niece, Lisseth, had her 50th birthday on March 1st, and my daughter,Erin, had her 33rd birthday on March 3rd.  That was a very busy week.  Lisseth's husband, Glen, and her daughter, Cristina, planned a big surprise party for her.  They had it a local hotel and her brother, David, and his friend, Rick, supplied the music. There were at least 70 people there and it was alot of fun.  Lisseth was totally surprised.  She was even in tears for awhile. 

Lisseth has been my #1 advocate since the very beginning of my cancer fight.  She has given me so much help and advice, and I love her dearly.   She has helped me with alot of my nutrition questions and has gotten me herbal medicines that have helped keep up my strength and energy, which is so important in this fight.  I'm so thankful Lisseth and I are such close friends and family, and I'm thankful I was able to help and support her on her special day.  

   Erin's birthday was two days after Lisseth's and it was a much quieter affair. Pat and I took her and her sister, Amy, and their children out for breakfast at Ihop. Then, Pat and Erin went shopping for a new car radio for her, and her son, Colin, and I went shopping for a gift from him.  He knew exactly what he wanted to get her.  It was the second and third books in the Twilight series.  We had to check out a couple of stores to find them, but we were successful, and he even found her the perfect birthday card.  That night we took the whole gang, all ten of us, to The Cheesecake Factory, for the official birthday dinner, and after making gastronomic fools of ourselves, we opened gifts and blubbered our ways home.  It was a relaxed, but fun birthday.  

Pat's sister, Pam, had her birthday the day after Erin's, and the rest of March looks much the same. It's the busiest birthday month in our family. Now that I've made my excuses for not writing on my blog for some time, I'll try to make some sense of my title.

This is all about being bald.  I've decided the good part about being bald is there's no worry about if my hair looks good or not.  It sure makes getting ready to go somewhere 100% easier and faster. I can get a shower, put on my makeup, get dressed and be out the door in forty-five minutes.  The bad part about being bald, is being bald.  I have a really difficult time not having my head covered around people.  I know some women are comfortable with being bald, but I haven't gotten there yet.  I can go with my head uncovered when I'm by myself, but I even have to have a hat or cap on around Pat.  He thinks I'm crazy, but I can't help it.  Everyone has always told me that I have such beautiful hair and now to have it GONE, it really is a blow to the old ego. The ugly part of this whole thing is when I look in the mirror, I think, "how ugly".  It isn't a pretty sight.  I know this is all temporary, and everyone who's gone through this has said your hair comes back even better, but it's long ways off, and I'm still having problems with the bald thing.  Maybe I'll get over it sometime soon. 

Yesterday, I went for my fourth chemotherapy, the last in the Adriamycin/Cytoxin series.  YAY! Anyway, while I was there, someone who had been going through chemo brought in a big basket of homemade chocolates in cellophane bags with a little poem attached, and I want to end this post with that poem, because it expresses so much of how I feel about this whole journey.

What Cancer Cannot Do

       Cancer is so limited... 

        It cannot cripple Love  

       It cannot shatter Hope

       It cannot corrode Faith

       It cannot destroy Peace

       It cannot kill Friendship

It cannot suppress Memories

       It cannot silence Courage

       It cannot invade the Soul

      It cannot steal Eternal Life

     But most of all...

    Cancer cannot conquer the Spirit!