Thoughts on Being 'Cancer Free'

Cancer Free! It sounds wonderful, but just exactly what does it mean? Am I cured or am I in remission, what is it? I asked my oncologist's physician's assistant this, and she ran a program for me that showed me what the percentages were of the cancer returning with the different treatments I had. The possibility of it returning decreased with each treatment, but there's still about a 25% chance that it can come back. I'm trying to get my mind wrapped around that. I'm a pretty positive person, and I try to look at the bright side of things, but this is scary. I'm on a cancer survivor's websight and one of the things that was discussed there was how we as cancer survivor's are more susceptible to cancer, now that we've had it once. I'm really trying to not let these thoughts get to me, but it's always in the back of my mind. It's very difficult for me to talk to my family about these thoughts, because I don't want them to worry, and I know that they want to just get this behind us and forget it. I wish I could. Thank goodness for the web-sight that I go to. Even if I don't write anything, I can read what others are feeling and thinking and it helps me to realize I'm not alone.

A friend of mine that has gone through breast cancer sent me something that Erma Bombeck wrote when she found out she was dying of a second bout of cancer. I think it's so good that I want to print it here and read it often, because I think it's something that all of us need to remember.

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck

I'd have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for a day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth..

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more 'I love you's'. More 'I'm sorry's'.

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute .. look at it and really see it .. live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!

These are things I need to remember, especially to stop sweating the small stuff. Live and love life and never have any regrets.